my evil plan to make soccer more interesting

Posted: July 11, 2010 in i don't need no stinking label, just4fun

so i’ve been working on ways to improve this whole ‘planet mug’ or ‘global goblet’ thing or whatever it’s called, the big soccer thing everybody’s so worked up about. i’m pretty sure that if we do things my way viewer-ship will increase 100 fold.

rule changes

  1. no goalies… you simply put one of the forward’s grandmothers in a dunk tank filled with icy cold water and send her in whenever his team misses a shot on the empty goal.
  2. no cleats… everybody wears those giant led filled frankenstein boots. this should help to make new rule number one much more interesting.
  3. all substitutes are knife wielding monkeys, except for the back up captains who have slingshots as well.
  4. all the refs are mma fighters and every time a player goes down and fakes an injury, the ref will step in, stop play and administer unto that player, the injury that he is faking.

i feel like rules like these will result in teams like portugal fielding an all monkey side after every single one of their players has been roughed up by the refs because of all their dives.

that’s all i have for now, i have some thoughts on penalty shots but i need to do some more research on the geneva convention before i redefine exactly what a penalty shot is.

what about you? got any ideas to make soccer more fun to watch?

the above was paraphrased from a comic strip i read this morning. i can take very little of the credit.

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